Bacon & Eggs

Facin’ the fuzz is never a good feeling. They’ve always made me nervous and … for that … I always like to just mess with em every change I get. Even just sittin’ in the same McAllister’s with them … I feel like any second I wanna bolt outa my chair and run out the door… just to see if I can get em to chase me.

See… I have more moving violations than any five people I know combined. Matter of fact… I once accumulated 17 in one year. In my later years, however… I tend to take it a bit more easy on the streets… especially since I lost my license for not paying a speeding ticket in Louisiana … and my wife now does all the driving.

Here’s just a few things i wish I had said when I had the chance

Don’t look so smug… I let you catch me…
* patting the dashboard * … ol’ Bessy here coulda outrun you if she wanted to.

Do you have any idea what you’ve done?! I have a cup of my own semen in this bag!… and I gotta get it to the hospital pronto to fertilize my sister’s eggs!!

Whew! I’m sorry… I’m just so nervous… I thought for a minute there you were gonna wanna look in the trunk!

When are you guys gonna leave me alone! I told you before… you got no proof it was me who killed those 16 people in Texas! Can I go now please??

Oh!… ummm… I don’t have any pastries on me… but you can have some of my beef jerky and warm Bud Light if ya want.

What?! Hey I’m sorry… I can’t hear a word you’re saying… I was just in a freak mining accident like a week ago… and I haven’t been able to hear worth a hoot since then.. you’re gonna have to yell!!

So let me get this straight. You’re pulling me over… because I started driving realll fast after you pointed that thing you claim is a radar gun at me?? And just how am I supposed to know what kinda gun it is?? You should really be more responsible with that thing.

So this is what it’s like to be harassed … you think just because I look like Brad Pitt you can just pull me over and ask me to have kids with your wife?!  Get outa here!

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Published in: on June 13, 2010 at 12:04 pm  Leave a Comment  

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