So the census lady just stopped by. A college girl with a clipboard and an official looking tag hangin’ from her neck. Wants just five minutes of my time and then she’s gone forever.
I’m not one to buck the system (unpaid speeding tickets don’t count)… and I can always pause Netflix and pick up where I left off on season 3 of Prison Break pretty much anytime. So… ok… sure… let’s do it.
I am first of all informed that this little chit chat is confidential. She then proceeds to ask for my name… the names of all persons living on the premises as of April 1… and I cordially interrupt her…
“Can I get you a beer or somethin’?”
“You sure? ‘Cause I got some tor-TILL-as… and I can whip up somma that dip… you know the kind where you mix that packet with the sour cream… won’t take but a few minutes for it to be ready”.
“Um. That’s ok. No. As of April 1… was there anyone staying or living with you that was Hispanic or Latino?”
“With me? No. But… well… and I’m not tryin’ to get anybody in trouble you know… but… Well, I did see some Hispanic looking people… down there… in that corner condo… (leaning in a bit I whisper) I think they are living there… with relatives… and they have a dog… the kind you keep on a chain you know?… they’re not supposed to have that kind of dog, I think”.
“I see. Umm. Ok. Please look at that form I gave you. In section D… please choose one of the races which best applies to you and your household”.
Here we go again. Political Correctness is not in my nature. But… let’s be fair. If I have to refer to illegal aliens as “undocumented immigrants”… (do you really want me to keep going down the list??)… then by God! I wanna be called “Caucasian”.
“Yeah. I don’t see my race on here. Anywhere. How bout that.”
“I’m sorry?”… she leans forward… forehead crinkled… eyes squinted.
“Yeah. It’s not on here. See for yourself.”
“Well, the first option is “white“. Might that be it?”
“I donno. You tell me.”
“Um, would you like me mark “white” for you?”
“Sure. Whaddo I care. Hey, you watch the Discovery Channel?? I love that channel. Hey, did you know that our Sun is 93 million miles away from the Earth? Ninetyyyy-Threeeee Milllllioonnnnn. Wow uh?”
“Um. Yeah. Ok. So.. that’s all… and thanks for your time ok. Have a good day ok.”
“Hey! So I guess that’s a no on the beer huh?”