You Sissies Ain’t Seen Nothin’

So, I guess I was about fourteen when the ninja was in his heyday…

Yeah… what I’m saying is… pretty much every guy fancied himself a martial arts expert of one “style” or another.  You had your karate guys, your kung fu guys, your tae kwan do guys… and, oh yeah, the ninjas.

Well, I liked breakin’ stuff. So I was immediately attracted to the ancient art of smashin’ boards with bare knuckles! Oh, man… I would stack 2… 3… even 4 of those one inch thick babies and crack ’em like saltines!

Pretty soon… I had graduated to ten – TEN – boards baby! Oh yeah… I’m that awesome.

Wouldn’t you know it… never satisfied with the bone crushing pains shooting through my right hand… I soon discovered that I enjoyed immensely destroying these sissy boards… with my forehead.

I soon chose the perfect afternoon to display my new macho-masochistic talents to my buddies. Yes, the wind was perfect, the sun was out… no adults around to stop this potentially hazardous event…

First… the hammerfist smackdown! I stacked my ten boards… breath in … breath out … cocked n loaded … let ‘er rip … annnnddddd … FWAPP!

“Ohhh MANNN! that was AWESOMEEEE!!”, they declared in genuine awe and amazement.

“Yeah? Watch THIS!”, I boasted…  Time for the real deal.. break out the forehead now.. that’s right! Snatching a clean board.. I grasped it firmly with both hands… prepared my “stance”.. and gave it my all.. full speed into this sissy board goes my forehead… andddd… FWAPP!


I know.. right!

“You sissies ain’t seen nothin’!” I snatched another clean board… got my hands just right.. got my special “stance”… and Ram My Forehead… FULL SPEED BABY into this sissy board… anddddddddddddd…

Knocked me out cold.

… I know this because I woke up with my face in the asphalt and both arms pinned under me… and my Buddies??… rollin’ on the ground next to me.

Published in: on May 17, 2010 at 10:51 pm  Leave a Comment