You Sissies Ain’t Seen Nothin’

So, I guess I was about fourteen when the ninja was in his heyday…

Yeah… what I’m saying is… pretty much every guy fancied himself a martial arts expert of one “style” or another.  You had your karate guys, your kung fu guys, your tae kwan do guys… and, oh yeah, the ninjas.

Well, I liked breakin’ stuff. So I was immediately attracted to the ancient art of smashin’ boards with bare knuckles! Oh, man… I would stack 2… 3… even 4 of those one inch thick babies and crack ’em like saltines!

Pretty soon… I had graduated to ten – TEN – boards baby! Oh yeah… I’m that awesome.

Wouldn’t you know it… never satisfied with the bone crushing pains shooting through my right hand… I soon discovered that I enjoyed immensely destroying these sissy boards… with my forehead.

I soon chose the perfect afternoon to display my new macho-masochistic talents to my buddies. Yes, the wind was perfect, the sun was out… no adults around to stop this potentially hazardous event…

First… the hammerfist smackdown! I stacked my ten boards… breath in … breath out … cocked n loaded … let ‘er rip … annnnddddd … FWAPP!

“Ohhh MANNN! that was AWESOMEEEE!!”, they declared in genuine awe and amazement.

“Yeah? Watch THIS!”, I boasted…  Time for the real deal.. break out the forehead now.. that’s right! Snatching a clean board.. I grasped it firmly with both hands… prepared my “stance”.. and gave it my all.. full speed into this sissy board goes my forehead… andddd… FWAPP!

“HOLY WOW DUDE”… “THAT’S BADDD DUDE!”

I know.. right!

“You sissies ain’t seen nothin’!” I snatched another clean board… got my hands just right.. got my special “stance”… and Ram My Forehead… FULL SPEED BABY into this sissy board… anddddddddddddd…

Knocked me out cold.

… I know this because I woke up with my face in the asphalt and both arms pinned under me… and my Buddies??… rollin’ on the ground next to me.

Published in: on May 17, 2010 at 10:51 pm  Leave a Comment